Saturday, December 11, 2010

If You Say AA Sucks, You Just Called Me A Ni***r

Did that title grab you? Good. I hate that I feel the need to write this, but a coworker said something that reminded me of it.
     The absurdity of racism is something that I find both hilarious and depressing. A few years ago I attended a Super Bowl party at a good friend's house. It was a small party, about 8 of us total. Of that 8, one person was a great friend of mine. I have known this guy for 27 years and we have grown to be like brothers. This friend also happens to be a black guy. He had a white girlfriend at the time and she was at the party along with their daughter who was probably around 2 at the time.
     I can't remember who won the game, but what I do remember about the party is way worse. After the game, another guy we all knew showed up. He was drunk and enraged. I guess he had a problem with someone he thought was there and wanted to confront him. Now up until this point, the party had been low key. Then this fucknut showed up looking for a fight. I wouldn't have cared, but none of us were involved so it was more of an annoyance. With his foe absent from the party, he turned his anger to my friends and I. "Fuck you. You like him more than me" he said. I guess that he didn't know that acting like that was the best way to make that statement true. He tried swinging and kicking at us in a stairwell and told us he hated us. Fine. People hating me is nothing new and I have the mind to take it. What came next is still, 5 years later, sickening. When my friends' daughter got scared, my friend stepped up. He tried to be calm and defuse the situation. "Hey man, my daughter is spooked. Can you maybe do this tomorrow?" Mr Violent then replied "Fuck you. You are just a nigger. Fuck you and your half-nigger baby. And fuck your nigger loving girlfriend." I was stunned. Never have I seen or heard someone say something so hateful and do it with such a calm demeanor that it was spooky. This didn't come out like a drunk person just screaming nonsense. This came off as comple bigoted hatred. The kind of hatred that is unheard of. My friend just kind of stood there in disbelief while I decided this guy needed his wig knocked off. Luckily, things calmed down and he left before the place turned into a bloodbath. Let me just say that, as a white male, I have never been so embarassed by another person's actions. Looking back on it 5 years later and 4 months sober I feel confused. I try everyday to stay humble. I never want anyone to think or feel that my recovery makes me above them or that I think that. Is this the case of me judging a drunk because I am jealous? Or am I in the right, still wanting to rip this guy's head off. Where is the line of hatred and drunken stupidity? I can't answer that, but I would love to hear your responses.
      White people sometimes get confused. I have heard numerous times, from ol whiteys, "they can call each other nigger, but if I did it, then I'm a racist."  ???
Uh, ya think? Asshole. I can never imagine what is like to be female, ethnic, or gay. I am a white straight male. I have used the words nigger, faggot, bitch, etc more than the biggest racist and sexist person you know. Never once has it ever been out of hatred. These words are sick and some of the most hurtful things that can be said. Why do I say them? The absurdity of a moron who thinks they are appropriate makes me laugh harder than any crotch shot ever could. Think I'm wrong? Just listen to how crazy Daniel Carver, Grandmaster of the KKK, always sounded when calling into The Howard Stern Show. Sometimes humor is found in the darkest places.
     I'm not going to act like I have endured anything close to gay or ethnic people. But along those lines, I will point out something. For those of you who don't know, I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I stayed in an inpatient rehab facility for 30 days. Upon completing treatment, I started attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. AA meetings are chocked full of other people just like I was. Alone. Desperate. In need of something. In these meetings, you develop a very close bond. Like a strange family. These became my people. I have my problems with AA also. As an atheist, turning my life and recovery over to a higher power seems impossible. AA members like to say things like "it doesn't have to be God, this rock can be your higher power." Now to me, that statement makes me want to punch people. Who in the fuck would want to make a rock their higher power? A fucking idiot, that is who. One thing I have learned growing up is tolerance. AA was started by 2 Christians named Bill W and Dr Bob. As much as they try to say that they are open to all religions, this isn't really true. They hold hands in a circle and recite the Lord's Prayer at the end of every meeting. 90% of the attendees I have met are Christian. This is the main reason I used to bash this simple program. The whole God thing. But after attending meetings for a few months, I enjoy them. I have a sense of brotherhood with people who know I feel trying to make it and stay sober. This is where my tolerance comes into play. I don't their beliefs bother me. Holding hands with a group and saying the Lord's Prayer isn't going to kill me. Do I think it is silly? Yes, but it also installs a sense of comradarie in the group. If you were to come up to me, as a "normie" as we call you, and bash AA I would bash your nose. Why? Because it is OK for me to do it but not you. This is my program and I need it sometimes. I can bash them all day, but I also attend the very meetings I'm talking about. You do not go, therefore you have no idea what you are saying. See, it is the same as 2 black guys calling themselves a degrading name. Save your efforts something you know. If you say AA sucks, you just called me a nigger.
Until next time, I'm going to bed. Fan this on Facebook and spread the word

1 comment:

  1. brock. you are a fucking genius. I miss your brain. Pretty fucking hardcore.